He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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