Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
