Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
