Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
