he wants to bone in the snuggie
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
