Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
