dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
