Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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