it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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