he thought i was a dude.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
