just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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