shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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