i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize