She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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