The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
