Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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