Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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