All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
