I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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