I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
