Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think people are normalizing furries
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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