I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
