Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
