What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
