Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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