hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
