I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
