Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
