I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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