You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
