hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Green mimosas i think yes
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
