somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
