If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
COCAINE IS GR8
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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