she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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