i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
