So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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