I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
