Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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