I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
