I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
