I think I am morally bankrupt
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
