Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
