If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
