he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
