Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
