I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
