Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
