OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
they need to just BURY HIM!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
