If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
