The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
