I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
