Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
