i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
