he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
