I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
