Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize