I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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