Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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