This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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