My brain says no but my pants say off.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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