I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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