um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
