You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
