She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
where am i from again
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
