picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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