I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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