so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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