lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
