areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
