You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
