Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
my liver is dry heaving
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
