Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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